Covering today
The conversation most managers have when a number slips
Why it damages the relationship instead of repairing it
A 5-step system built on trust, not pressure
The exact questions that get someone to open up
What to do when someone won't ask for help
The 85% Problem
Philip's customer satisfaction score is at 85%. The goal is 95%.
Here's how most managers handle that.
"Philip, your score is 85%. The goal is 95%. I need you to fix this. When will you hit it?"
Philip nods. Says he'll sort it.
What actually happened in that exchange: you told Philip a number matters more than understanding him. You didn't ask what's going on. You didn't offer to help. You made a withdrawal from the trust account and called it management.
Six weeks later, the score's still 85%. And now Philip trusts you a little less than he did before, which makes the next hard conversation even harder.
Numbers are just the indicator. If you want to unlock your team's potential, you have to focus on the relationship underneath the behaviour.
It Was Never About the Score
Every manager has a number they're chasing. But a number is never really the problem. It's the visible symptom of something happening in a relationship, between you and them, or between them and someone else.
Philip's satisfaction score wasn't a Philip problem. It was a trust problem. He didn't feel safe asking his own leader for help. That's not a skills gap. That's a relationship gap, showing up as a KPI.
Most managers try to fix the number directly. It never works, because you can't out-manage a broken relationship with a target.
Before You Say Anything
Pick one person on your team who's behind on a number right now. Before you say anything, ask yourself: what relationship, with you, with a peer, with themselves, might be sitting underneath this? If you can't answer that, you haven't earned the right to the conversation yet.
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The Trust-First Method
Step 1 — Identify the gap
Name the problem in plain terms. What's the person falling short on, and against what measure? Do this without judgement in your voice, you're establishing shared reality, not building a case against them.
Step 2 — Data and observation
Don't assume. Watch the actual work before you say a word. You're not gathering evidence to confront them with, you're making sure the conversation you're about to have is accurate, because an inaccurate one will cost you trust you can't easily get back.
Step 3 — The coaching conversation
This is where the relationship is either built or damaged. Here's how to make sure it's built.
The Gap Conversation - Open by naming the measure together, not delivering it. "Your target's 95%, you're at 85%, help me understand how it's going from your side." Invites them in rather than putting them on trial.
The Data Conversation - Bring what you've observed, gently. "I noticed on the last three calls you didn't explain the reason behind a no." You're sharing an observation, not issuing a verdict, the difference is everything to how safe they feel.
The Coaching Conversation - This is where trust either opens up or doesn't. Ask, don't tell. "What do you think might be slowing this down?" "Who could help you with this?" "What would make it easier to ask for support here?" Be tough on the behaviour, kind to the person, kindness is what makes the toughness land.
The Accountability Conversation - Weekly, short, structured. Not a performance check. A relationship check: are they still able to ask you for help when they need it?
Step 4 — Build the plan
Root cause, a SMART goal, 2–3 mitigation steps. At least one step should directly repair the relationship gap you found, not just the behaviour.
Step 5 — Accountability
Weekly 1:1s against the plan. The real signal you're looking for isn't whether the number moves yet, it's whether they're willing to tell you honestly when something's not working. That's the relationship healing.
Examples - Say This, Not That
Instead of: "You need to hit 95%."
Try: "Help me understand how it's going from your side."
Why it works: One demands compliance. The other invites honesty, and honesty is what actually closes gaps.
Instead of: "Why didn't you do that?"
Try: "What do you think might be the reason?"
Why it works: "Why" sounds like blame even when you don't mean it that way. People protect the relationship by getting defensive. Remove the need to defend.
Instead of: "This isn't good enough."
Try: "Here's what I noticed, what's your read on it?"
Why it works: Positions you as someone trying to understand, not someone keeping score. That's the difference between a manager people open up to and one they manage around.
What Actually Moved the Score
The number was never really about Philip's handling of calls. It was about whether he trusted his own leader enough to ask for help. Fix that, and the score takes care of itself.
See you Sunday.
David